Things on my mind. (Not cancer related, but life issues) 08/19/14

There are a lot of things I want to cover in this post. I will forewarn that it is sensitive topics and it might rub people the wrong way. If you know me you know I will always say my piece.

Robin Williams suicide once again brought up the issue of mental disease and depression. I for one believe suicide is for pansies. Before you jump down my throat or call me a douche and move on let me explain my thoughts about this topic. Depression is very real and in all types of forms. Some people are strong enough to know something is wrong and get help themselves. Most people are not that strong. Those are the people that need the most help and mask their symptoms from the World. Now the crowd you keep close to you are also the ones that should be able to say something to you. If you can get help and don’t then it is your own damn fault. There are so many tools and ways to vent out to anyone listening out in the World that there are no excuses for temporary relief. Hell, I know people that vent all day long on facebook and I don’t say shit because I know it is their tool to help themselves.  It took myself a very long time to cope with the fact that I had extreme PTSD, depression and anxiety. I fight through them every day with doses of Effexor and monthly talks with my cancer therapist. I knew something was wrong and so did everyone else around me. Now in the case of poor Robin Williams he knew he had problems. He went got help then didn’t go back when things got really dark. It is truly sad when anyone dies, Look at the amount of time and wealth he gave to the troops and various children’s organizations. Some how some way he felt like there was no help for him despite his multiple and various connections to health groups Worldwide. Imagine the disappointment of all of those sick kids and troops that he brought so much joy to. It’ll never happen again. He is now forever a thought in peoples minds. All of those kids he tried to cheer up and help beat their diseases. The message in the aftermath is sad. I for one am a firm believer that there is always help available for any circumstance out there. Now lets move on to the “What now?” of the said suicide. Most insurance plans and settlements are then null and void screwing over your loved ones. Have fun with the bills kids. Not to mention the mental anguish and turmoil those close to him have to deal with the rest of their lives. Imagine being a child of a parent that had committed suicide. “Why?” and “What could I have done?” will be with them the rest of their lives. All on top of the bills left behind that will be out of their own pockets now. This is why no matter how far down I get I will never contemplate Suicide. In the end, it is worse for our loved ones than for ourself if we take our own lives. Granted I have a completely different take on it than most. My family is not close. I do not have a girlfriend, wife or have been divorced. I do not have kids (that I know of). My family is not close to me outside of my grandmother and parents. I do have two amazing kids that I love dearly in my niece Layla and nephew Jackson that are my brother and sister in laws kids. I would never want them to know that I went out like a bitch because I couldn’t handle fighting my inner turmoil and a terminal disease. For some its hard to understand, but everyday I can walk no more than ten feet from my bed load a rifle and blow my head off. Its really not an option in my mind no matter how far this disease takes and drags out of me. No amount of pain of mine is worth my loved ones pain. With that said maybe a dying mans perspective on a very sensitive issue will encourage some to atleast talk to someone or make an appointment with a shrink atleast once. We all have shit to work on. If not e-mail me I’ll talk about anything itsjuicetime@gmail.com

My next gripe is the ALS water challenge. Maybe I’m just in a grumpy mood from chemotherapy today, but I do believe the best intentions with this “challenge” of a cold shower have been a long time lost by now. Has it really brought that much more awareness to an amazingly terrible disease. On another note stop calling it Lou Gehrigs disease. I find that insulting to the thousands that deal with ALS. The fact that they raised millions of dollars is absolutely wonderful and what their intention was next to awareness. Unfortunately, I don’t believe people have really donated something besides dumping a bucket of perfectly good water(sorry third world countries). Maybe its a personal thing but I atleast check fact sheets before I donate to anything. I have actually been challenged twice to do it and I said via FB, ” I’ve been nominated twice for the ALS Ice Bucket challenge. It isn’t happening people. I am donating my pennies to my own medical bills. The millions they have received so far will do them just fine. So I’m nominating everyone on my friends list to light themselves on fire or donate to the The Richard M. Schulze Family American Cancer Society Hope Lodge” also with a back story of ” If anyone is curious the place I linked is where I stayed rent free in MN by the U of MN when I came back in 2008 to get treatments and the long shot surgery. They are amazing and I encourage everyone to atleast check out their pages or donate $10 some day. I couldnt have made it this far without them.” My intention isn’t to take away anything from the ALS challenge. It is an extremely worthy cause. That leaves me glad I didn’t develop it. I just got my own broke ass to deal with. lol. It just seems to be a complete fad that Charlie Sheen summed up perfectly. Please check the facts on the official web site before either doing the challenge or passing on it completely. ALS fact sheet: http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/amyotrophiclateralsclerosis/detail_ALS.htm

Let me preface this next gripe with the fact that I could give a shit about race and a persons ethnicity. We are all human and individuals. The situation in Ferguson is disturbing. Police need to be held accountable. Here in Wisconsin a law was passed that all officer shootings are required to be investigated by private organizations not associated with the unions or departments. Do we know the story or facts behind what had happened with the Mike Brown shooting? Absolutely not and I doubt we ever will. Do I believe this sets back race relations in America? No. The needless and careless rioting did that. I’m surprised more people weren’t shot by store owners protecting their property. It’s sad people are shot by officers everyday and it may just be me missing it on the news but its always seems the situations where it is a white officer and a black individual are the ones targeted by the media. It never seems to be about a hispanic, asian or a white person receiving all of this attention. Regardless, I find the whole situation disgusting. Innocent people are being hurt by senseless violence and it has become a militarized zone for the most part. When the National Guard are called in the opportunist and assholes causing issues are going to get into a World of pain.

If this has left a negative view of me in your mind then I am sorry, but these are things that I have thought about to quite a large extent outside of my personal life bullshit lately. They are also things that should have an open dialogue among the masses. Unfortunately, in America things like this are always hush hush. Keep it in your own home type stuff and its extremely sad. My advice is always to speak your mind after collecting a well enough determined and some sort of fact based opinion. Never be afraid to learn, grow and add/change your opinion.

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Author: itsjuicetime

I came. I saw. I probably created massive amounts of havoc.

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