Well I’ll start with my lungs. They have started opening up a little bit. The doctors think it is one of two things now……..Asthma or radiation making its way out. Either way I am now prescribed Albuterol to help open the bronchial passages. I’d say it is slowly working. A week ago I couldn’t even lay down on my back or sides because my lungs were so closed up that the breaths were short and shallow so it hurt.
Moving on into my recent issues I will have to apologize to my friends whom I may have interacted with recently. My PTSD, depression and anxiety were at an all time high and blasted right through my medication doses. I was extremely short and overly emotional with nearly everyone. It was quite embarrassing to me in hindsight. Its hard to focus a lot of the time on something else when my entire life has gone down the drains and the odds of beating this thing are stacked against me. I am feeling quite better now that I went to my cancer shrink and vented my issues. Unfortunately, it isn’t in my nature to crack in front of people but she is really the only person I can. She sees this stuff daily. Not my type of cancer but the mental end of things. I’ve been pretty fucked up for a while and it feels like its getting a bit better. The chemobrain symptoms seem to be subsiding a bit at the moment. I’ve been able to start writing again. That’s a relief in itself, but I can’t go too long because my hand starts to shake and swell up. I keep trying though.
Anyways, I’ll write more later I’m really tired and my shoulder hurts.