This is my last Chemotherapy dose for 3 weeks possibly 5. Chemoholiday! Time to regroup and come back guns blazing.
Damn I missed National PI day!
Well there is a lot going on but not much of it is overly pertinent to my health. I am going in for my last chemotherapy on Monday. Last chemotherapy before I take a chemoholiday. My mind is also trying to tell me not to stop now so I have to have a real hard decision to make by 10am on Monday. I’m leaning towards taking the break assuming my CT scan on the 28th says two of three things. Nothing has changed at all and there has been some regression by the cancer. If that’s the case how can a initial two week break not help regenerate the body? Some times I don’t really know what to do but I need to trust myself because I haven’t made it this far without making the right informed decision. Everyone who has been involved also thinks I need a break. I’ll let you all know on Monday.
In other news I have spoken with UPMC in Pittsburgh and they are just as interested in me as I am in them. I had to send all of my notes and scans out to them again, but I did it and I am waiting on a call back when they have looked over them. Basically if this surgeon thinks I am screwed then I am really screwed because he is one of the best out there. So fingers and toes are crossed. The whole thing would have to be done in steps and that is the tricky part. Collar bone and sternum first then everything else is whatever.
Mentally, I am doing so much better than I was a couple of weeks ago. I don’t have mood swings, my thought is a bit clearer, I’m back and writing, and reading a little before my head becomes discombobulated. All in all it turned around after I saw the therapist again. I think venting my issues and trying to sort through them helped quite a bit. I’m still a mess, but a bit better. I think when I get through the next CT scan things will quiet down a little…..assuming the scans are good.
The rehab I go to is OK. The goal is trying to limit the muscle pain around the tumors and loosening up the bad areas in my back and shoulder. The spot I’ve had in my left shoulder blade since the surgery in 2001 has flared up quite a bit since going. They don’t think there is anything they can do to help fix it. Everything else is a work in progress. We have been working on range of motion as of late and I don’t think there is an ounce of change.
Well I’ll start with my lungs. They have started opening up a little bit. The doctors think it is one of two things now……..Asthma or radiation making its way out. Either way I am now prescribed Albuterol to help open the bronchial passages. I’d say it is slowly working. A week ago I couldn’t even lay down on my back or sides because my lungs were so closed up that the breaths were short and shallow so it hurt.
Moving on into my recent issues I will have to apologize to my friends whom I may have interacted with recently. My PTSD, depression and anxiety were at an all time high and blasted right through my medication doses. I was extremely short and overly emotional with nearly everyone. It was quite embarrassing to me in hindsight. Its hard to focus a lot of the time on something else when my entire life has gone down the drains and the odds of beating this thing are stacked against me. I am feeling quite better now that I went to my cancer shrink and vented my issues. Unfortunately, it isn’t in my nature to crack in front of people but she is really the only person I can. She sees this stuff daily. Not my type of cancer but the mental end of things. I’ve been pretty fucked up for a while and it feels like its getting a bit better. The chemobrain symptoms seem to be subsiding a bit at the moment. I’ve been able to start writing again. That’s a relief in itself, but I can’t go too long because my hand starts to shake and swell up. I keep trying though.
Anyways, I’ll write more later I’m really tired and my shoulder hurts.