Well here I am at chemotherapy again……Cycle 6 of Gemcitabine. Cycle 10 of total chemotherapy sessions since this thing started up again. My veins are at the point that it takes the nurses 3 or 4 times to poke and hit it. Kind of annoying but I will not get a port again after it almost killed me last time. If I have nine lives I really have blown through over half of them already. heh. My chemo brain symptoms are really coming and going in waves. Some days I cant tell you what I did the hour before. I will say that it is becoming very difficult to physically write letters anymore. Which suck for writing TTMs. It is what it is. To tell you the truth it is actually becoming very difficult to type with all of my fingers as well. Depression is there and sinks in at odd times. Basically, trying to keep busy is the only cure for that. My PTSD is also a pain in the ass. I’m terrified of taking medications again. I have to trick myself to shovel them down my gullet. Truthfully, I am thinking after the next cycle I am taking a break from chemotherapy all together. It was suggested to me by Dr.Kozak before as something to do let my body recoup and heal a bit. Only problem is it gives the tumors and opportunity to grow again as well. I haven’t really made my mind up yet, but I am strongly leaning towards a month off. I am trying to really change my eating habits as well. I’m going to invest in a juicer and limit the amount of meats I eat. That’ll be difficult for be since I am such a sandwich guy. I have done it before, but as we all know habits are hard to break. The things we do to survive these days. You would think that after 5,000 years of human existence and the Egyptians becoming the first society to perform surgeries 2,500 years ago we would have found a cure for such ailments and diseases already. I’m still convince that the all mighty dollar is more powerful than human life to most assholes involved in the medical system. Despite political views of whomever is reading this I can say that the overhaul of the medical system by through the ACA has made things so much better for myself and plenty of others I have met that are sick. Don’t believe the idiots talking shit about it. You want an honest opinion and view about it? Walk into a hospital and go to any ward that has people in long term care and ask them if their quality of life (billing and insurance issues) has gotten better and 99% of the time it will be a “yes”. I could’ve written a book on the nightmare known as the insurance scam. Anyways, I am getting grumpy and in a bad mood so I am going to jet.