Well a month later and I’m still sick. It is what it is but it is extremely annoying. First they said pneumonia which I knew it wasn’t. Then a lung infection, which it wasn’t. Now they say bronchitis. I know that is crap too. So I just keep getting different types of drugs to beat it out of me. Something has to work right? Other than that things have been OK. I have been going to rehabilitation for the extreme pain in my shoulder. Apparently, my muscular shoulders are creating a lot of tension with my tumor and wreaking havoc with the muscles. I feel it. I leave feeling great then it sucks right back into feeling terrible again. The small exercises the doctors have had me doing for years on my left side have paid dividends though. My flexibility and strength has gotten slightly better. Hard work pays off!
As for the chemotherapy though its a mixed bag. My veins are to the point where they are very hard to find and tricky. So I get poked 3 times every time I go in. Sometimes I feel like a damn junkie with all of the needle marks in my forearms. It’s very annoying. The doses are the same except for I had requested my steroid dose to be shrunk again. I did that for a few reasons. The steroids are for inflammation and the help nausea. I don’t get nausea to bad and so that is the only real reason to limit it. The good thing is its less drugs going into my body. The steroids also have lead me to gain weigh so it’ll now help be beat it back again. As for the Gemcitabine, I am tolerating it quite well. Mondays I get my doses and the day becomes slow. Tuesdays I feel sick like I have the flu and become extremely exhausted. Wednesday I feel better but sluggish and tired. Thursday I generally sleep A LOT! Finally, on Friday I am just sluggish. The weekends are good then back at it on Mondays. The symptoms are lightening up quite a bit and that scares me. When I started they were pretty harsh. The Oncologist insist this is normal, but my previous chemotherapy seemed the same way and that didn’t work at all. I guess we will see on March 28th when I have another CT.
I do feel like shit through my shoulder and my chest, but most of that could be from the way I sleep at night. A whole lot of maybes. The pains is kind of hard to explain. It feels like hot pokers and lots of aching all around certain areas. I refuse to take my pain meds because I’m not comfortable with them and my PTSD leads me to freak out a bit. Yes, I am still attending my scheduled meetings with the cancer psychologist to deal with my anxiety, depression and ptsd from my previous cancer experiences. It has helped. My mood swings and previously mentioned symptoms have been curbed a little. How much better can one get when hearing a ticking clock in their head day in and day out?