Anxiety ridden

Well I have what is hopefully my last chemotherapy dose until early November in about 7 hours. I am blasting straight through all of my anxiety meds. It is going to be a very long day. Im just so jacked at this being the last one before a break though.

Today was pretty rough all of the way around though. My parents and I went to the Brewers game Saturday night and I get sick from being around all of those germs almost instantly. I seemed to bounce out of it around noon though after some vitamin boosts. Only problem is though I have had massive muscle and body aches. Pain so bad i couldn’t move or walk. My pain meds weren’t doing shit. The TENS machine I use couldn’t loosen anything up. I had it on so high and for so long the battery died. It was a disaster. I have Lidocaine patches on now and they really knocked the pain down. SO there is that.

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Feeling good 09/11/14

Just a quick update.

I am doing pretty good this week. A bit more energy. I have had moments where I totally crash, but they have been much fewer in frequency. On Tuesday I went to a concert at The Rave here in Milwaukee. I saw The Offspring and Bad Religion. I went not feeling too hot considering it was the day after getting dosed. I felt OK most of the time but the humidity in the room did get to me a bit. So I sucked on my inhaler a few times. The predisone tablets I got for the inflammation in my lungs seem to be working. I’m not hacking up stuff and that has probably led to me having a bit more energy. At the show I was a sweaty mess though. If you have ever had or dealt with people that have had chemotherapy before you know the nastiness of chemo sweats. Anyways, next week Monday is my last dose of Gemcitabine for a while unless the tumors start to grow again. We gotta get through a CT scan at UW Madison in two weeks first though.

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Recent Autograph favorites

Rob Deer (Former Milwaukee Brewer)
Jordy Nelson (Kick ass Packer)

Matt Chapman (Oaklands 2014 1st round pick and Beloit Snapper)

Devin Williams (Brewers 2013 2nd round pick)

John Olerud (Blue Jays longtime first baseman)

Tyler Marincov (Beloit Snapper and Oakland 2013 6th rounder)

BJ Boyd (Oakland 2013 3rd rounder and Beloit Snapper)

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Randomness from this past Summer

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Hey all 09/06/2014

Well plenty of little things to update.
-I am down 4 lbs so hopefully that is the water weigh starting to piss off.
-October 21 and 22nd I have a Mayo clinic appointment in Rochester, MN. Big news I know, but I dont want to get built up for it yet while I still have two more chemo doses to get beat up with.
-I also have an appointment at the University of Minnesota with Keith Skubitz. I have a checkered past with him. Back in 08 he told me there was nothing I can do to win. Its set me off and he wasn’t too happy with me either. So my oncologist and him have talked about it and they both think I should go back so we can talk and go over “outside of the box” ideas that I have always taken instead of the basics. October 23rd is the date for that.
-I will have a chemo break coming up in 2 weeks assuming the CT scans are perfectly fine. I know they will be.
-As for my lungs……..They are still shitty. The choking at night has become a here and there type thing since the last time it occurred. Now I am on predisone to try and let the lungs become uninflammed. They think that I am having issues because of that. Lung inflammation just happens and especially to those in my situation. When the lungs are inflammed you have a larger chance of coughing up tons of mucus. Its like when you get a chest cold. All of that gunk comes out from inflammation of the lung and bronchials.
-It was suggested that I invest in a room air purifier and a dehumidifier. We actually have a dehumidifier that now runs almost 24/7 and my “Uncle” Tom had one from left over from when his mother passed on this past year. I know it kicks ass because she had huge lung issues all of her life. I have ran it for about two days and I can tell a noticable difference already. I’m still coughing, but that is going to happen until the day I die.
-Chemobrain has me all fucked up still too. I can’t remember shit. I barely remember being at the Packers last preseason game and the wedding I attended. It really makes me mad and super frustrated. It will more than likely only get worse as the chemo doses get worse. Pretty shitty and I hope none of you that read this ever have to go through it and its symptoms.

Overall, I am relatively crabby and amazingly drained of all energy. I am just glad I can watch football on the weekends and baseball on the weekdays to occupy my time. I atleast have something in my life to look forward to. Hell, outside of a handful of people who text and email me I wouldn’t even know that I had friends anymore. All part of growing up and having to live with what cancer does. You know destroy everything around you. I’ll be back later to type up random shit.

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My lungs suck 09/01/14

Quick complaint. My lungs are terrible. Laying down isn’t an option. Humidity kills me. Basically, I’ve been hacking up gobs of stuff from my lungs and slowly and surely they are opening up a bit. My inhaler doesn’t work for shit. It feels like my chest won’t expand and I cannot inhale normally or deeply. Its rather terrifying. Imagine laying down hacking stuff out of your lungs, not being able to breathe normally with only shallow breaths, not to mention that only the cold makes you feel better. Kind of hard in late summer.

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Week off of chemo 8/25/14

Well, it is my week off of chemotherapy. Its a really good thing for a few reasons. My chemobrain is getting really bad and difficult to deal with again. Also, my veins are just not liking me anymore and closing themselves from being used. Finally, this break means I have one more 3 week cycle left then five or six weeks off as a chemobreak. I’m really looking forward to it because these 2 completed cycles have kicked my ass something special. I’m trying to get up and get going most days but, my body is always so physically worn out. It has become an absolute chore to get up and do the basic things in the day. I hate this so much because it makes me feel like I’m just sitting around waiting to die. So the depression and anxiety have been running wild lately. Knowing I have these issues pisses me off so much because it isn’t like I can flip a switch and they will end. So I try to keep busy. Keep in mind being so physically exhausted I can’t get out of bed most days makes it hard to do things at all. So right now I’m in a difficult spot. During this week off though it should lighten up and allowing me to be more active.

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